Between 40 and 50 percent of all married couples in the United States divorce. The likelihood of their subsequent marriages breaking is even higher.
Regardless of which party initiates the breakup, one thing is for certain; breaking up with someone you shared your life with is one of the most traumatic experiences a person can go through. You are left with a boatload of painful and unsettled emotions. In addition to grieving your lost relationship, you may start becoming fearful of the future.
Why Do Breakups Hurt That Much?
Even when logic shows that the breakup was necessary, it still hurts since you are not only losing that person, but also the dreams you had. Additionally, a breakup disrupts every aspect of your life. You realize that all your routines, responsibilities, and even identity revolved around the other person.
Everything around you seems to remind you of them, making it harder to move on. This is what makes recovering from a breakup or divorce difficult. However, with time and effort, you can and will get through this draining experience.
At the end of the day, a romantic relationship is supposed to be a union full of love that leaves both partners feeling fulfilled. Nonetheless, one cannot expect a smooth sail throughout the journey together. Quarrels and disagreements are part of the package.
However, if the bad times far outweigh the good ones, nothing good is likely to come out of your relationship. If you are in such a union and have tried all you could to make it work, then getting out is probably the best option.
Your peace of mind and emotional health should not come second to anything. If you are married, look into divorce lawyer cost and start planning your exit.
Following these tips will help you accept what happened and enable you to move on:
- Allow Yourself to Grieve
Even though it might sound counterintuitive, grieving allows you to face your feelings and accept them. It is an essential part of the healing process.
That pain is what will allow you to let go of that relationship. No matter how intense that pain might be, you will not be stuck in that dark place forever.
- Connect with Others
During these trying moments, it is normal to want to isolate yourself from the world. However, support from people around you is critical towards helping you heal. Attempting to go through it alone will only make the pain worse while making it take even longer to move on.
Reach out to close friends and family. If they have been through painful breakups themselves, the better. They understand what you are going through. Thus, they know what you exactly need at that moment. However, be careful about who you choose to connect with. You want to be around positive people who energize you.
You should also consider getting professional counseling. Sometimes, talking to people close to you might not feel enough. If this is the case, consider speaking to a therapist about your emotions.
- Don’t Dwell on What Could, Should, or Would Have Been
During this period, it is easy to get over analytical about your role in the breakup. You start replaying mistakes with an over-critical eye and forgetting that you are simply human. It is easy to overlook the other person’s mistakes when you do that.
While acknowledging your faults is essential towards growth, dwelling on them will leave you stagnated. Thus, allow yourself some compassion and think about the ways that you showed your authentic self in the relationship. Do not be judgmental about it.
Recognize the unhealthy tendencies that you might have had and think about what you can do to better yourself.
- Write them a Letter
This is another thing that might sound counterintuitive. After all, it is recommended that you should cut off all communication with your ex until you have moved on. Nonetheless, the purpose of writing this letter is not so they can read it, it is to allow you to vent.
Jot down everything that was left unsaid in your broken relationship. Express all you hurt, anger, frustration, sadness, guilt, and memories. After letting out every last thing that is in your heart, finish the letter with “I forgive you and I let you go.”
Read it over then find a way to destroy it symbolically.
- Do Something That You Have Always Wanted to Do
Sometimes, the commitments in a relationship might make it difficult for you to accomplish your bucket list. Maybe it is because your partner is not comfortable with those things, or because you lack the time.
Nonetheless, regardless of the reason, this is the time to go and do those things. If you have ever dreamt about climbing a mountain, this is the time to go. Marking items off your bucket list will make you feel some sort of achievement and will leave you feeling energized.
- Take Care of Yourself
This means that you should work on improving the health of your mind, body, and spirit. The following are some things to do.
- Start Meditating
If you have meditated before, then you know the blissful aftereffect. Meditation allows you to calm your thoughts so you can evaluate them without judgment. It leaves your mind in a peaceful state so that your emotions do not weigh you down.
- Start Reading
Most leaders and successful individuals are avid readers. Reading allows you to sharpen your mind so you can learn how to be a better version of yourself. Moreover, it is a good habit that allows you to not obsess over your thoughts and emotions.
- Start Exercising
Studies show that exercising releases dopamine (the feel-good hormone). Exercise not only allows you to feel better in the short term but also in the long term since you will feel healthier.
- Form New Friendships
After working on yourself, it is time to let out the new version of yourself to the world. Allow yourself to meet new people, and who knows, you might end up meeting the person you always dreamed of having as a partner.
The Healing Process
If you have been thinking about how to get over your ex, don’t worry, you are in good company. Getting over someone you had intimate feelings for is difficult regardless of how bad the relationship was. However, by following the tips above and letting time run its course, you will eventually get out of that dark place.
Are you stuck in a bad relationship and are feeling like it should come to a close? Do not compromise your physical and emotional health for someone who is unwilling to treat you better. A divorce or breakup is sometimes the only practical solution.