Marriage means sharing a life together, and that means doing things together to form common ground. But as individuals merge to become a couple, some people, especially women, worry that they will lose their identity or lose themselves in the relationship after getting married.
Losing yourself in a relationship can cause resentment and hopelessness, and it may even have a negative impact on your union. In fact, it’s one of the top reasons why people divorce. Maintaining your identity helps you to have a good relationship, and it prevents you from doing something that would affect your connection with your significant other.
To stay happy and have a healthy union, here’s here’s how to maintain your identity after marriage:
Keep Doing What You Love to Do
Some people think that having lots of things in common with your spouse can guarantee a successful marriage. Having things in common can signify commitment, which is why so many women choose to change their last name when they say I do. Moreover, it’s a couple’s way to display unity to the world. However, just because you’re sharing the same last name, it doesn’t mean that you have to lose the essence of who you really are. You can share experiences, hobbies and activities, but to maintain your identity, keep doing what you love to do.
For instance, if you love listening to jazz but your spouse is more of a rock fan, there’s no reason to change your taste in music just because you’re living together. Pursuing your passions and interests and doing the things that give you joy can prevent feelings of resentment, so be you, and support your spouse too if they want to do their own thing sometimes.
Stay in Touch with Your Family and Friends
Newlyweds can get caught up in the romance bubble, and they tend to isolate themselves from the rest of the world during the honeymoon period. While this is normal behavior during the early months of marriage, it’s important to keep in touch with family and friends, since they’re also an essential part of your life and your identity.
Make an effort to communicate with your loved ones, and encourage your spouse to do the same with his.
Be Comfortable with Doing Things on Your Own
Some married couples can become so reliant on each other that they can’t leave the house if they’re not together, or they can’t do an activity unless they’re both going to be involved in it. Needing support from someone else isn’t harmful to a relationship: as humans, we need to depend on other people, especially when we’re feeling vulnerable or distressed. However, being overly dependent on your spouse may stop you from taking responsibility for your own happiness and self-worth, and you may rely on your partner to do these things for you.
To keep your identity, be comfortable doing a few things on your own, meet your needs, and learn to soothe yourself when your partner isn’t around to do it for you. This will result in a balanced relationship dynamic between you and your spouse, and a healthy marriage.
Being married doesn’t mean that you have to change who you are to prove your commitment. It’s about loving and sharing, while still being the person that your partner has fallen in love with. Maintain your identity for a happy and satisfying marriage that will continue to thrive through the years.