If you are lucky, you have found the man of your dreams and won’t need to read this article. However, chances are, you have experienced a breakup recently and want some solid advice on how to get through this troubling time.
Before you look up how to get your ex back, you want to think about what it was like being together and how you now feel on your own. If you come down on the side of being better off without him, keep reading.
Here are 7 tips for getting over a breakup:
- Write Down All the Bad Stuff
Be brutally honest and write down all the things that annoyed you about your former partner.Did he never want to be social? Did he not take you seriously? Did he make fun of your dreams? Did he leave the toilet seat up and never change the toilet paper roll? Add all these things to your list.
What were the compromises you needed to do to create a better world for him and not yourself? These are the type of things that lead to a woman losing herself in a relationship, something no woman should do. And be sure to keep this list on your phone so you can look at it often, especially if he calls or you begin to think things were perfect.
- Go Down Memory Lane with Honesty
You will eventually remember a vacation or a date night you had together, and that is fine. However, the version you put on Facebook or told your friends may not be the truth. Did you leave out the big argument over something extremely trivial? Was he jealous guys were looking at you?
You may need to think through some of the things your former partner puts you through, and in the end, realize he had issues, not you. By introducing the bad stuff, you are reminding your mind that there was more to the relationship than the sweetness you want to remember.
- Rebuild Your Self Esteem
If your partner left you for another individual, you may begin to doubt your self-worth. You may start thinking that you are not thin enough, not smart enough and on and on. This is a natural response to being dumped, but you can change this.
Start by thinking about your number one asset. Keep that in mind as you also think about what you like most about yourself. What do you value about your life? Do you make time for others by being a good listener and friend? Are you working towards a degree or career you can be proud of and still be who you truly are? These are the things you need to keep in mind as you weather the first few weeks of a breakup.
- Avoid the Rebound Relationship
Even if you find someone who just wants the benefits of a friendship, getting together with another man so soon after a breakup will put undue expectations and hurt feelings on you.
Chances are good you will become attached to this new individual, even if you tell yourself you don’t want another relationship. Sometimes it is out of your control. You don’t need another broken heart on top of the one you already have.
That’s not to say you need to live like a hermit and avoid all men. Just keep your heart-guard up and know you should not engage in a new relationship for a while after a breakup.
- Go Out and Find a New Place
At least once a week, take a friend, or a few, and explore a new place. A restaurant, a club, a craft studio or hiking trail. The idea is to go and have new experiences and break out of your normal routine.
This will help you heal from the breakup and help you avoid staying home alone and not facing the world. The best thing to do is get out and live your life without looking back.
- Let Go of the Notion of “Closure”
This could also be considered letting go of the “why” because you may never know the answer to “why.” And not knowing may be the best thing for your recovery. Many times people think they need to know why something happened instead of accepting what happened and moving on. You would have to move on with the answer to why anyways, and it may just be more difficult with knowing why they left or did what they did.
Often times, couples simply move in different directions, yet they may stay together out of comfort or habit. Neither of which is a reason to stay. When you find you are drifting apart, speak up and see if there is a reason. Sometimes simply stating that things are different can bring you closer, or bring the end sooner.
- Perform a Social Media Purge
If you and your ex were together for a long period of time, chances are you have many friends in common. Unfriending your ex may be simple, but you want to keep as many friends as possible. You may want to limit your time on social media for the first few weeks. You can contact your friends over a text message or the old-fashioned way, through a telephone call.
You may be tempted to stalk your ex on Facebook, but try hard not to do that. Simply feel your feelings and move on. Don’t waste your time trying to figure out if he is miserable or happy. Just allow the universe to take care of him while you live your best life.
If you go into your relationship knowing that you are a strong, independent woman, and you keep that forefront in your mind, you will survive a breakup just fine. The key to all relationships is to know that you are a separate person from your love, that each of you have interests and values and needs and wants that will not always align. That is also what makes a good relationship last.