Why You’re Not Selfish for Getting a Divorce With Your Spouse

Posted October 5, 2021 by in Lifestyle

Everyone gets married to love and be loved. And often, this aspiration turns into a fascinating adventure where you live happily ever after till the rest of your days. Sometimes, however, marriage starts to show cracks and you get to take one of the most important decisions: leave or stay. 

Getting a divorce is always a difficult decision. So difficult in fact that many people continue to suffer through their marital life just for the sake of the silly invented reasons: 

  • Kids should grow up in a full family.
  • He’s going to change.
  • She cheated because I wasn’t worthy of her, so it’s ok.
  • It’s selfish to divorce a nice man.

According to a recent survey, some people put off divorce just to avoid frustrating legal proceedings. Fortunately, seeking help from divorce lawyers can help you get through the entire process seamlessly. You can go here now and learn how.

The list can be continued on and on. But is it really so? Is divorce selfish?  We looked at both sides of the coin, and here’s our answer to this question:

 

It’s Normal to Want a Happy Marriage

To work out, any relationship needs a perfect balance of many constituents. First, both partners must realize and be ready to put effort into developing and cultivating their marriage. Second, they must have the same values about the most important areas of their life. Third, they must be able and willing to seek compromise when things get too complicated. Furthermore, it wouldn’t hurt to get along with in-laws, enjoy the same hobbies, and evolve at the same pace. Any deviation can make both partners miserable in their marriage. 

For better or for worse, but no one is the same after a few years of their life. Circumstances change, we get new knowledge and experience, meet new people, try new things. And it inevitably changes how we see things and what we want from life. Spouses can move in one direction. But also they can go completely different ways. What made them happy 10 years ago can feel meaningless and unnecessary today. 

Is divorce selfish? It’s not. When it gives both partners a chance for a better and brighter future. 

You Don’t Have to Live Someone Else’s Life

 “Am I selfish for wanting a divorce with my husband?” asks our reader Eleanor. “We have a perfect relationship but for one thing: he wants me to be a stay-at-home mom. And I always saw myself a researcher.”

The point of marriage is to make two people stronger together, help them grow, and become better versions of themselves. It includes supporting whatever their free will decides (unless it’s against the law, of course). Marriage is not about sacrifice. Living a life where you’re constantly forced to give up your dreams and aspirations can hurt your physical and mental health and even lead to severe depression

No matter how deeply you love your partner, you betray yourself by living a life they chose for you. If no conversations helped you fix the situation, it’s not selfish to divorce, even if you’re leaving a good marriage.

It’s Not Selfish To Get Out of Abuse

The Stockholm Syndrome is extremely common among victims of abuse. They may suffer for years and still find no courage to give up their marriage. Some believe that abusers may change anytime soon, others think that a bad parent is better than no parent. 

But abuse isn’t always about being hit and punched. Often, it leaves no visual bruises or wounds. Only you feel insignificant and unworthy. You notice that you’re disrespected and humiliated. And your self-esteem is already lower than the ground. This is how a victim of psychological abuse feels.

Even if you’re unhappy in marriage, it may be scary to dare for divorce. But when it comes to being abused, it’s not about simply doing the right thing – it’s about survival. Staying in an abusive relationship, you risk your life and well-being. There’s nothing selfish in making it stop. So, if you found the nerve to get out from your abusive partner, congratulations, you’re on the path of healing.

It’s Right To Seek Freedom From a Cheater

Living with a cheating spouse is an extremely painful and devastating experience. You’re constantly reminded that you’re unloved, unworthy, and not needed. If you think, it may be even considered a form of abuse. What’s worse, a cheated-on spouse may even feel guilty for allegedly pushing their partner into someone else’s arms. 

Stop! Being a cheater is a choice. And nothing you said or did can serve as an excuse for betraying you over and over again. You have the right to want and seek admiration, respect, and care in marriage. To think “I don’t want to save my marriage anymore”. And definitely to leave a spouse who brings you nothing but pain and disappointment. Divorcing a cheater isn’t selfish. It’s about paying them the same price.

It’s Wrong To Hold Back a Person You Don’t Love 

But what if you’re loved and respected and everything goes fine but you still think of divorce? Is it selfish to break a perfect marriage? The answer will be the same: It’s not selfish to leave the relationship you don’t want. Regardless of the reason. 

Yes, it will be painful for your partner who likely still loves you. Yes, you’ll feel guilty and low for hurting a nice person. But try to see a bigger picture. By living with a person who’s crazy about you and not loving them back, you become that user and abuser. And this is what is selfish!

If you’re sure that your feelings are gone, the best thing you can do is set your spouse free. No matter how hurtful this break-up is, they will heal. And they’ll have a chance to meet someone special and build a family they’ve always dreamt about. But without you.

You won’t be able to protect your partner from feeling hurt and betrayed. However, by choosing divorce in PA online, you can at least make the process less burdensome. 

*Photos by Dominika Roseclay